i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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