i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize