i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
