careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
