i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
