Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
