I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
