Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
