My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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