Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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