I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
