why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
