Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize