MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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