Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
