I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
