you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
