i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
