so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
