I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
