She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
