I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
