dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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