I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
