its not stalking. its research.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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