If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
