Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think a kid would responsible me up
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
