if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Less talking, more tequila
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
