if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize