we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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