So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
