I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
