This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
