the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
