That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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