5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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