I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
