he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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