I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
