Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
