There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
