I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
