Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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