My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
