he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
