p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
