i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
