You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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