I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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