Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
