Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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