I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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