Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
