i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You may now shotgun with the bride
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
