I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
