Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize