Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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