wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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