Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
