I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
