You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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