are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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