I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
