Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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