Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize