There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
