From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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