I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
