My pussy is not your playground.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
