I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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