I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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